


Haunts my nights

by TheFandomBusiness_WT



Category: Original Work
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Insomnia, My First Fanfic, Please be nice, Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9410255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFandomBusiness_WT/pseuds/TheFandomBusiness_WT





	

Most people fall from buildings or are being chased by terrifying monster in their nightmares but insomnia haunts my nights; fatigue rules my days. When I need to be lucid, clear, hell even understandable my brain just begs for unconsciousness, for sleep at any price. But come the hours of darkness in the comfort and warmth of my bed, my mind lights up with new possibilities, new sources of disaster and danger making my heart beat a thousand times a minute. I want to let them go, to count sheep and relax, but soon the sheep are telling me what can go wrong tomorrow because of some avoidable blunder I made today. Eleven o'clock morphs into twelve and then one. The time trickles by, marked only by those changing glowing numerals a few meters away. My mind is blank; where there should be dreams is a heavy blackness. My eyes are as stationary as the silhouette of my bedside lamp, which is where they rest. The blackness blankets my still form. I lie as if asleep until my side is painful and I must shift to my back to the other side, every noise is eerie every movement outside my window a shock. The long minutes drag into even longer hours but I refuse to look at the clock again. To see that it is still before midnight or just two a.m. would be enough to send my heart racing and undo the calming effect of being so restful I had worked on for the past little while. The relaxing music I put on at bedtime finished long ago, and though I remain willfully blind I suspect it's closer to the dawn than I would like.  
When I finally sleep I wake after only a couple of fitful hours and wake as if a whole night had passed, but it hasn't. I wish I could be one of those people who roll over and doze off but I can't. I can either lie in my bed watching the colour slowly seep back into the walls, waiting for the dawn chorus, or I can get up. When the sallow glow of the streetlamp behind it becomes white, I know my night is over, the daylight shines on my shuttered lids and the birds fill the air with their own music, my heart sinks- another night claimed by insomnia, another long, long day ahead with no chance of rest. My mind flickers to the cupboard and the sleeping pills a friend of a friend gave me. I don't want them, I don't want chemicals. I just want to be normal, I just want to sleep.  
Sometimes I curl up in my cosy pyjamas and fluffy dressing gown with my laptop or a book and a spiked hot chocolate, pretending it’s my choice I’m not sleeping, other times I get dressed up in overly tight clothing and go downtown to a nightclub to spend my hours awake with a new stranger or an old friend, whoever I find first really. If I'm going to die early from never sleeping, well I figure I should make the most of my time.


End file.
